The Sandbox Writing Challenge #67 — Can acceptance REALLY change relationships?

I am not sure how I missed last week’s challenge, but I did. Was this during my pneumonia bout? I think so. Anyhoo… Calen has give us another set of pondersome questions from Philip Simmons’ book Learning to Fall. 

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How would accepting yourself for who you are change your relationship with YOU?

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And thinking back to the person(or persons) you thought you could change, would accepting THEM for who they are change your relationship with them? How?

I’ve pretty much accepted myself for who and what I am. I’ve tried to change myself in the past for a few I had relationships with and all it did was end in misery. I have to be my authentic self, faults and flaws included. I think I am probably the most comfortable with my own self now than I have ever been in my entire life. And that’s a good thing since I mostly only have myself to talk to these days *laughs*

As for the one I tried to change, the estranged husband, I do now accept him for who he is. He is becoming a she and I think that is his authentic self. He hopes to begin taking hormone therapy next year and have the sex change in 2019. That will change the dynamics of our relationship a bit. For now, it isn’t a huge problem. If we decide to stay married, same sex marriage is legal. That could all change under this new presidency though and we could be forced to divorce. Our relationship at the moment is based on mutual respect. There is companionly love for now. We are no longer in love with one another and we are 1000 miles apart.

I think all relationships benefit from acceptance, of one’s self and of others. It keeps us from having to wear masks, be someone we are not, and then struggle with ourselves to be authentic. Unfortunately, too many people try to change others to suit themselves. What I find ironic though, once someone has changed you to be who they think they want you to be, the challenge is gone and some lose interest. I think that is why so many people cheat on their partners. They go out seeking someone like who you used to be so they can begin the cycle all over again. Such a sad state of affairs.

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The Sandbox Writing Challenge #66 — Passivity, Resignation, or Acceptance?

For this week’s question, Calen still has us pondering prompts from Philip Simmons’ book Learning to Fall. 

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What does acceptance feel like? How does it differ from resignation or passivity?

This is a great prompt because I spent an entire year back in 2014 focusing on Acceptance. It is not about being passive because you are not just allowing things to happen to you without pushing back. It is not resignation because of stepping down from unpleasant situations. Acceptance means that you consciously recognize that a situation is out of your means of control and there is no sense in fretting over it. You quietly say inside your mind, “I cannot change this,” and allow yourself to peacefully affirm it. This releases your attachment to whatever the situation is.

Here is an example of one of my moments of acceptance. My then-husband and I were out driving around and had a flat tire. His first reaction was frustration and anger (we’d been having a series of flat tires of late, but he would only buy used tires, so what can you expect?). He got out of the car, stormed around a bit, ranted and raved and then set about changing the tire. Normally, I would have reacted to his anger with some of my own or attempt to calm him down (which never worked anyway). But not on this particular day. I’d only been practicing Acceptance for two months, but thought this was a perfect time to do so. I got out of the car and went to a tree in someone’s yard. I sat under the tree and just listened to the wind blowing (it was March) and the birds chirping. I fell into complete bliss because I knew I couldn’t change what was happening and I accepted that I didn’t need to be involved in the rants and anger. It was one of the most life-affirming things I’d ever done.

As 2015 comes to a close…

As my readers may remember, I did a similar post last year, focusing on what a year of Acceptance taught me. I also posted my chosen word for 2015: Gratitude. This post will be along those same themes.

What a year of Gratitude has taught me…

Wow! What an incredible year it has been! By showing gratitude, I have opened myself up to so many blessings this year: love, forgiveness, and spiritual ascension.

When January rolled around, I wasn’t sure what would happen by focusing on Gratitude for a whole year; however, I soon discovered that I was not the only one doing this. People all over Facebook were focusing on this wonderful concept. I will admit that I was a bit skeptical at first, not of the process, but of my willingness to accept (what I learned last year) whatever would come my way as a result.

For the first few months, I kept a daily record of all that I was grateful for. This allowed me to use Gratitude as a habit. After those first few months though, I only wrote down my gratitude list on rare occasions, but I would wake up each morning and verbally state what I was grateful for that day and end each night with what I’d been grateful for that day. This became the practice that I followed for the remainder of the year.

So here are some highlights of my accomplishments throughout 2015, which I believe are a direct result of simply being grateful for life, those around me, and for my own self.

  1. During the month of April, I completed my very first 46,000 word novella. I have mostly been a short fiction and poetry writer, so this was a huge accomplishment for me.
  2. As many of you know, I held a lot of animosity toward my husband and pretty much blamed him for well… everything: mostly our failed marriage and my mental state. Some time in September, I began researching a Hawaiian healing technique called Ho’oponopono. During this time, each night as I went to sleep, I would repeat these words: “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” As I repeated these words, I would get flashes of everything I’d ever done to others or others had done to me. I continued repeating these words, night after night (and still do!). Finally, I took 100% responsibility for my role in my marriage and mental state as well as 100% responsibility for my husband’s role. Forgiveness came easily after that and I am happy to report that he and I are now speaking once again and have moved to a great place in our relationship. We have come to the realization that we are in better places apart and able to help others as a result.
  3. Using this same healing technique, I was able to mend an issue with a friend who I had parted ways with back in June. We are now in a good place again as well.
  4. In late August, I took control of my health by beginning a new way of life and eating. My health has greatly improved as a result of this.
  5. I have been working with my Reiki Master and others with spiritual ascension. I felt the Shift strongly on 11.11.15. It was amazing!
  6. Overall, I have felt love so strongly this entire year. I have let go of negative influences and embraced light and love. Any time anything negative does creep into my life, I shower it with love.

For anyone interested in Ho’oponopono:

And if you would like to listen to Joe Vitale’s book ZeroLimits:

So there you have it… my incredible grateful year!

This has also been a year of research for me. Here are just a few topics that I have been exploring:

  • Low Carb/Healthy Fats lifestyle
  • The causes of Diabetes and how to reverse it
  • Anything WW2
  • general research on vitamins and minerals
  • topics related to The Secret
  • The Kennedys, with a special emphasis on Robert Kennedy
  • possible courses I want to take on Udemy
  • alternative health and healing techniques

And now, I give you my word to concentrate on for 2016: ABUNDANCE. And in order to activate this, any time the Universe/Cosmic Hoohah/Muses, etc. present an opportunity to me, instead of asking myself “how will I accomplish this?” I will just say “YES” and allow it to come to me through Inspiration and Abundance. My mantra for this year is: “I Am Abundance. Everything around me and within me is abundant.”

Thank you for spending time with me as I reviewed my grateful year.

Love and Blessings…

*Note* The idea for a Word for the Year actually came from Laurel Regan over at Alphabet Salad back in 2014. She has chosen her new word again this year and has called on others to join in. If you’d like to participate, just create your own blog post and click on the blue froggy below to add yours to the reading list.

 

As 2014 comes to a close…

What a year of ACCEPTANCE has taught me…

In January, instead of setting goals or resolutions, I decided to choose a word to meditate on for the entire year. The word I chose was ACCEPTANCE. Since I am a worry-wart and have high anxiety issues, I wanted to see what would happen if I just accepted things as they came along without allowing anxiety and worry to surface. At first, it was a difficult assignment. I was resistant. I was so addicted to worry that I didn’t think accepting things would work. Slowly though, as the year went by, I was able to let go of worry and allow acceptance into my life.

The biggest change came when I accepted the fact that my marriage was never going to get better, that I was no longer and hadn’t been in love with my husband for a long time, and that I would be better off leaving and beginning my life anew somewhere else. This acceptance would come with a whole set of new worries that I had to deal with: could I afford to leave, would I be able to make it outside the marriage on my own, would I be able to heal from the internal and external wounds I endured in that marriage, and many more. As I slowly made plans to leave, I was able to accept each of those new worries and let them go. I was able to take what little savings I had left and leave. I am on a very small fixed income, but I know that I am able to do anything I set my mind to and survive. And I am accepting and letting go of the wounds from my 13 yr marriage.

I feel so much stronger this year than in years past. I am definitely happier now and I able once again to enjoy my life. I am connecting again with family and friends who mean the world to me. And I am accepting my new role of a single woman again.

So yes, this has been an amazing year of acceptance and letting go. I still have far to go on my new path, but I now know that accepting things as they come, learning from the experiences, forgiving and letting go of the worry and anxiety has been the best therapy for me this year.

I’ve also chosen my word for 2015: GRATITUDE. I plan on keeping a daily journal about what I am grateful for throughout the entire year. I believe that gratitude is healing. It allows one to dig deep into their soul and feel. I hope 2015 will be a wonderful healing year for myself and my family and friends.

Love and Blessings…

New Year, Sans Resolutions

I am finished with setting resolutions. I usually stop observing them in February anyway; so why bother?

Instead, I have decided on one word… ACCEPTANCE.

Instead of being impatient or worrisome or both at the same time, I will accept each situation as it presents itself. I will be in that MOMENT, accepting that MOMENT.

I hope to learn mindfully how to be in the NOW and calm. I am so rarely calm.

So that is what 2014 will be about for me.