The Daily Me (Journal) Perfect – 11/23/2016

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

Your idea of a perfect day.

This prompt presents a slippery slope for me. For years now, I have been trying to get away from “perfect” because it is a symptom of the OCD that plagues me. I would plan out my days from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. I sought control and perfectionism over my plans and heaven help anyone or anything that derailed them, including myself. Unless you’ve spent decades enslaved to perfectionism, you have no idea how a prompt like this can shackle you again.

Through intense therapy, Mindfulness and spending a year focused on the word Acceptance, I have learned not to expect perfect days. Instead, I get up, go through my routines and allow the day to unfold as it will. I do have hopes for each of my days. I try to make it through the day by writing something, reading a book I am reviewing, spending some quality time with my dad, and watching something on Netflix or Hulu.

I can afford this because I lead a fairly simple life. I have no one to answer to but myself – no husband or children – so I can decide how much time I will spend doing any one thing. I have little stress, mostly just what I put on myself. And since there are some areas of my life where perfectionism still crops up (mainly my routines and writing), I can’t afford to pressure myself by inventing a perfect day. I’ll just take it moment by moment.

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The Daily Me (Journal) Wishes – 11/22/2016

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

I wish everyone had___

I love ‘wishing’ prompts. They allows me to explore the what-ifs and what-could-bes of life. This one is especially endearing because it takes me out of my own head and allows me to explore for others.

So what do I wish everyone had? Respect for their fellow human beings, creatures great and small, and for Mother Earth and her limited resources. Too often these days, I see and read about divisiveness all over the world. The us/them mentality is ripping this entire world apart. It seems that certain people have decided that some humans are lesser-thans and unworthy of respect, love and compassion. Some have also decided that Humans are more important than other species that populate this planet. Creatures are going extinct daily. And Mother Earth is being destroyed so that some wealthy people can continue to line their pockets off Her resources.

I’ve heard often that in our modern technological age, the world has grown smaller, and yet, we’ve never been so disconnected from one another. Selfishness and greed rules the world. You cannot respect others unless you step outside of your own desires and see their hopes, wishes, and needs. You cannot respect other species unless you see how vital their existence is for the survival of this planet. And you cannot respect Mother Earth until you realize that we have this one planet and She has to sustain us all.

 

The Daily Me (Journal) Bravery – 11/20/2016

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

Describe a time when you were brave

I don’t do brave well. It isn’t that I am a coward. I think it is just that I don’t set out to save the world, or even myself often and therefore, I don’t always consider my actions bravery.

There was a time though when I felt like my life was a sinking ship and I flailed in the ocean of life. I struggled between having the will to live and resolving myself to death. My ship was named Depression and as captain, I ignored all signs of the ensuing storm that was about to capsize me. Since I’d boarded this ship in my 20s, I figured I was on it for the long-haul, never to see dry land again. I became complicit, rolled with the sea, ebbed and flowed with the storms. This was my life and I accepted it.

In the mid-2000s, I ignored all signs of a tsunami building off my starboard bow. I’d weathered storms in my teens and my college years, surely this one wouldn’t topple me. I’d just lower the sails and brace for impact, just as I had so many times before. I didn’t realize that I would nearly die from stubbornness and yes, ignorance. This was no ordinary storm and my ship wasn’t strong enough. In order to save myself, I would have to do the brave thing and abandon ship.

Leaving the metaphor aside, I had allowed depression to consume me. I gave into the psychosis of voices which told me that I was worthless, unloved, and a burden to society. When the pain became too much, I would cut myself to release the pain because I thought it dwelt in my blood. If I became too numb to the pain, I would burn myself with a lighter to feel something, anything. And when I couldn’t bear the duality of pain and numbness anymore, I would attempt suicide. This went on from 2005 until 2013. I had two choices left – live or die. To retrieve the metaphor once more, I found a safe harbor and dropped anchor.

I owe my brave act to two things – uterine cancer and a therapist who taught me Mindfulness. Cancer gave me the will to live and Mindfulness gave me the tools to succeed. I am still not sure if what I did was a true act of bravery. Aren’t captains supposed to go down with their ships? And that ship does resurface now and again, beckons to me and seeks to set sail, but I think I am stronger now, more willful to live, more determined not to drift back out to sea filled with uncertainties. If Mindfulness begins to fail me and I hear even a hint of those voices, I now seek the medication route. I may not remain medicated, as I often don’t, but at least I know it is there in case I need a safe harbor.

 

The Daily Me (Journal) Style – 11/19/2016

Since I’ve caught up with Calen’s The Sandbox Writing Challenge, I thought I would find some other journal writing prompts. I came across these 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom to continue exploring the inner me. I will still be doing Calen’s challenge on Tuesdays. So without further ado, on with today’s prompt

Define your personal style

I’m not really sure I have a personal style. I like comfy, nothing tight or itchy or bulky. I prefer natural materials like cotton, silk and rayon. They breathe. I will wear other materials, but only for short periods of time. Most of my clothes are black, burgundy and deep purple. I like crushed velvet and have several tops, skirts and dresses in various colors with some beautiful stitchery on them. I wear those for special occasions. I run around in silk pajamas most of the time and have several long silk robes that I will wear over top of the pjs. I have several rayon tops and pants, some cotton flared pants, crocheted shirts that I wear camisoles under, and old sweaters, t-shirts and jeans from years ago that I still wear. I prefer flats, boots, sandals or bare feet. I no longer dye my hair (I used to keep it burgundy, but it has gone back to a dirty blonde now) or wear make-up. I do paint my nails, usually black, frosty brown or a deep red. I also wear a lot of bracelets, generally cheap beaded ones. I have one silver celtic knot ring that I wear and a necklace of a half-moon with a hematite stone in it. I guess I am a bit of a hippie, a little witchy/vampy, and a bit medieval in my style.

10 Daily Currents – 03.16.16

It is Wednesday at 12:22 pm and I am currently…

1. listening: the birds singing outside, my dad and brother discussing politics *shock* and voices in my head

2. eating: fried eggs, bacon, an avocado

3. drinking: coffee with cream and stevia

4. wearing: black sweats, purple sweater, purple socks

5. feeling: sleepy, so very sleepy

6. weather: cool, partly cloudy, around 65 degrees

7. wanting: my feet to stop burning

8. needing: sleep… been up since 3 am

9. thinking: about how to be more efficient with my time, how to get more writing in each day, and what all I need to change to accomplish these things

10. enjoying: I’m not… I am sleepy, grouchy and my feet are burning.. not much there to enjoy. I hate when physical issues still my joy.

02.10.16 – End of Day Notes

What I did today: Today wasn’t as productive as I would have preferred, but I am still having tension headaches that will lead to migraines if I don’t take care of myself. So no long hours in front of the computer today. Just did my writing projects and read some blogs.

What I learned today: I am sleeping better since leaving the coffee alone. Just mainly drinking tea. It is a lesson for today, but that doesn’t mean I will repeat it tomorrow.

What I am most proud of today: I am backing away from the laptop. Something I wouldn’t have done years ago.

What did you do today? Learn any lessons? Have a reason to be proud? Share your thoughts with me in the comments!

Saturday 9 – Sorry

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Saturday 9: Sorry (2015)

Unfamiliar with this week’s tune? Hear it here.

1) This song is a plea for a second chance. Are you good at forgiving/forgetting?

I didn’t used to be very good at forgiving. I didn’t hold grudges long, but I wasn’t always the first to say “I’m sorry.” Then I learned about Ho’oponopono and since then it is easier for me to say those words and mean it.

2) Justin asks his girl to “forget this.” What have you done/said recently that you wish could just be forgotten?

I wish I could just forget about having that Coke Royale (Coke+Crown Royal) the other night. My brain has been mush ever since

3) Mr. Bieber says he needs just 6 hours sleep every night. How about you? How much sleep do you require to feel sharp?

On average, I get by with 4-6 hours, but require a nap later in the day.

4) Justin prefers D&G underwear, which can cost as much as $102/pair. Sam may be crazy, but there’s no way she’d spend that much on underwear. What’s something you’re willing to splurge on?

If it’s clothes, something made of leather. If it books, a first edition. Otherwise, I would only splurge on paintings or sculptures.

5) He may be picky about underwear but not cuisine. He loves Big Macs. If we were going to McDonald’s, what would you order?

Nothing, maybe bottled water.

6) When it comes to healthier fare, Bieber has told fans he enjoys snacking on bananas and grapes. What do you reach for between meals?

Avocados or almonds

7) Performing in Germany, Justin Bieber told a girl who approached the stage, “Ich liebe dich” (“I love you”) and she fainted. Have you ever fainted?

Yes, but I wouldn’t have if Bieber said that to me… Prince, maybe, but definitely not Bieber.

8) As a kid, Justin was teased for being one of the shortest in his class. What do you recall being teased about in school?

Too many things… mostly about my physical appearance and because I was a quiet bookworm.

9) Random question: Will you be watching this weekend’s Super Bowl?

Most definitely. Go Panthers!

02.04.16 – End of Day Notes

Way back in 2014, I briefly began this endeavor and then became ill and never worked on it again. I think it is time to reprise this and began again.

What I did today: Today has been a busy day. I completed my writings for my blogs. Read some new and already-following blogs, commented, and did some reblogs. Began gathering idea for some new poems. Read some emails. Cooked dinner. And am now winding down as I’ve been up for 12 hours and the sleep demons are attacking me.

What I learned today: I have way too many emails to read on an average day and am already a week behind.

What I am most proud of today: Normally, I would tackle emails first thing in the morning, but since the beginning of the year, I have made writing the top priority. I think this is something I can be proud about each and every day of this new year.

Share Your World – 2016 Week 5

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for Cee’s Share Your World

If you had a shelf for your three most special possessions (not including photos, electronic devices and things stored on them, people or animals), what would you put on it?

My Orson Scott Card collection, the book The House of Breath by William Goyen and my Dancing Girl bronze statue

If you had a box labelled ‘happiness’, what would you put in it?

All three of my college degrees, the bus ticket from OK to VA, feathers my raven flock leave me, my favorite poetry books, my CD and DVD collections, pictures of past partners who despite the break-ups brought me happiness, pictures of the pets I’ve lost over the years, my sketches and collages, my gratitude journal

What do you want more of in your life?

*Gap* moments

Daily Life List: What do you do on an average day? Make a list of your usual activities you do each day.

This is what I have been doing almost constantly since the 28th of January (some of this I do every day this will be followed by an *)

  • wake up, meditate for 20 mins and then get out of bed*
  • turn on my computer and desk lamp*
  • stumble down the hallway for a pee and coffee*
  • do 20 mins of stretching exercises*
  • check my calendar for the day’s events and to-do list
  • write 750 words
  • turn on my Youtube Music Playlist*
  • get more coffee, stretch my legs, pee*
  • begin my writing projects*
  • finish my writing projects*
  • get more coffee, stretch my legs, pee*
  • go through the list of A2Zers and follow blogs
  • check emails and read blog posts and reblog as necessary
  • stretch my legs, bathroom break if needed*
  • contemplate if I am hungry enough to eat, if yes… cook. If no… read more blogs
  • eat dinner, because by now it is around 3 or 4 pm*
  • reward myself with a movie or tv program*
  • check facebook and twitter, or chat with a friend on the phone
  • take a late evening nap*
  • get out of bed, make tea and read emails or work on other writing projects*
  • return to bed around 2 or 3 am*
  • wash, rinse, repeat

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Last week I am grateful that I completed my January goals, spent time with my dad, and caught up with an old friend.

This week I am looking forward to writing more horror stories and working on my other writing projects.