For this week’s question, Calen still has us pondering prompts from Philip Simmons’ book Learning to Fall.
It would probably be easier to list what I haven’t tried to change, but I will give this a shot. Time for a list, I suppose.
My body – I’ve been overweight most of my life and have tried just about every diet out there and nothing seems to work. I will admit, I am a carboholic and I know carbs keep weight on you, especially the bad carbs, not veggies, the good carbs. I love bread. OMG do I ever love it. Cakes, cookies, pies, chocolate, ice cream and donuts too. It does me no good to try to eat those things in moderation. It won’t happen. If any of those are around, I will eat them until they are gone. I am not giving up though. I know that somewhere out there, there is a diet that will work for me.
Self-Worth – I’ve struggle with this since I was a child. I never felt like I was good enough, not to my parents, my siblings, friends or teachers in school. As I grew older, I became careless and reckless, seeking my own worth through the mates I chose – usually jerks, narcissists, and/or abusers. I could never measure up and felt like a burden and failure. I still find myself feeling this way.
My Life with Mental Illness – This has probably been my biggest struggle: how to live with mental illness, all of its harshness and destruction. Unfortunately, this will be a life-long battle and although I’ve made a few changes here and there (my attitude toward it and practicing Mindfulness), I will never completely rid myself of it.
My Attitude – I have issues with some people. I can’t tolerate those who are willfully ignorant. It’s not that they can’t learn and grow; it’s that they don’t want to do so. They are blissfully stuck in whatever dogma they’ve been taught and refuse to change. I’ve had to learn to just accept them as is and decide if I want to be engaged with them or not. Some days, its a losing battle.
Those four are my worst struggles. I could probably go on for an eternity, but many of my issues overlap and I am not in the mood to be redundant today.