Day 4 Prompt: After
So this is what happens after all the observing and pretending – you lose all sense of self. You see, the story of Elle is the story of me. I’ve pretended for so long that I have no idea who I really am. Was I a true sister? Was I a true daughter? Was I ever genuine with anyone? Or have I always been a fraud?
Ah, now there’s the rub. I’ve been fearful my entire life. What if someone found out? That IF has prevented me from doing many of things I’ve wanted to do. Book editor? No. Published writer? No. Astrologist? No. Professional tarot reader? No. Herbalist? No. Reiki Master? No. Always no because someone somewhere would discover my secret – I’ve always been a pretender.
Yet none of that is true, or at least it shouldn’t be true. It’s merely the message I’ve repeated over and over again in my head. I had a wonderful education and even after decades of being out of college, I’ve never stopped learning.
The mind is a fickle mistress who can make you believe almost any lie. And only through years of therapy have I come to realize that my childhood illness and loss of memory was a cruel stroke of fate. I did what I had to do to survive.
If you’d like to join me for this Five Minutes A Day, please feel free to do so. You can post it on your blog or use my comments below. All I ask is that if you do this on your own blog, that you link to my blog and be sure to give full credit to Kate Montaung (you can click her link to go to her page). Have a blessed day, me lovelies!