Something seemingly out of your reach
My dream, goal and aspiration, and they aren’t seemingly out of reach, they are completely out of reach. I’ve discussed this before. My dream has always been to be a college professor, my goal was to be a published novelist and poet, and my aspiration was to live in Maine. A financial mix-up in college cracked my dream. Severe depression shattered my goal and aspiration. If the depression hadn’t manifested, I may have been able to overcome the financial issue. It would have taken a lot of hard work and a job outside of my dream, but at the time, I was only 33 and could still have become a professor by the age of 35 or 36. I had the grades for it and the backing of a few of my professors. But that damn depression – I couldn’t easily overcome it. And so, I gave into it and allowed it to consume my life for the next fifteen years.
Now at the age of 50 and with my health issues, I know I will never obtain the dream, goal or aspiration. I’ve had a few people (friends and therapists) tell me to chose a new dream, create new goals and aspire for something more obtainable. They say, stop looking at what never manifested and look forward to new possibilities. And I do try to do that now. I know my limitations and try to work around them. Depression is still a major part of my life and probably always will be. I no longer have a dream and honestly, I cannot think of a satisfactory one. I do have goals. I try to write one or two major pieces of work each year, although I no longer attempt to be a published writer. I still write poetry when the muses strike. And I dabble with art now and again. I no longer aspire for anything great, like living in Maine. I am fairly content just to live in Virginia for now. My life has come down to simpler terms these days – make it through the day depression-free and write when my health allows. These are reachable.