The Daily Me (Journal) Out of Reach – 12/11/2016

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

Something seemingly out of your reach

My dream, goal and aspiration, and they aren’t seemingly out of reach, they are completely out of reach. I’ve discussed this before. My dream has always been to be a college professor, my goal was to be a published novelist and poet, and my aspiration was to live in Maine. A financial mix-up in college cracked my dream. Severe depression shattered my goal and aspiration. If the depression hadn’t manifested, I may have been able to overcome the financial issue. It would have taken a lot of hard work and a job outside of my dream, but at the time, I was only 33 and could still have become a professor by the age of 35 or 36. I had the grades for it and the backing of a few of my professors. But that damn depression – I couldn’t easily overcome it. And so, I gave into it and allowed it to consume my life for the next fifteen years.

Now at the age of 50 and with my health issues, I know I will never obtain the dream, goal or aspiration. I’ve had a few people (friends and therapists) tell me to chose a new dream, create new goals and aspire for something more obtainable. They say, stop looking at what never manifested and look forward to new possibilities. And I do try to do that now. I know my limitations and try to work around them. Depression is still a major part of my life and probably always will be. I no longer have a dream and honestly, I cannot think of a satisfactory one. I do have goals. I try to write one or two major pieces of work each year, although I no longer attempt to be a published writer. I still write poetry when the muses strike. And I dabble with art now and again. I no longer aspire for anything great, like living in Maine. I am fairly content just to live in Virginia for now. My life has come down to simpler terms these days – make it through the day depression-free and write when my health allows. These are reachable.

 

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My Daily Tarot – Four of Wands

I’ve decided to get back into practice with a daily tarot reading. Something I haven’t done in nearly two years.

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12/11/16 – Four of Wands

You have achieved a satisfying goal. Take time to celebrate this. Be proud of what you have done. Be aware of dissatisfaction. This is not the time to be critical of your accomplishments. 

Well, that definitely hits close to home. I’ve been scheduling some of my posts for this upcoming week here on ATFWHI and I recall in one of them being proud for (nearly) finishing Seeing You (1 part left to go – scheduled for later today) and yet being frustrated that I hadn’t achieved every goal I’d set for myself this past year. I won’t go and change the post, but I will take a moment to have pride in my accomplishment.

I’ve said before (somewhere) that I won’t look at the lost opportunities from this past year as failures. Despite the illnesses and the depression, I still accomplished quite a bit this year – 29 Horror Tales, 26 Science Fiction stories (and one of them has turned into a serial collaboration with Keith Channing), and two novellas (over 50k words each) –  The Stacked Deck and Seeing You. I’ve also written some flash fiction, short fiction, drabbles (100 word stories) and poetry this year. So I can in no way say that this has been an unproductive year. I do have a lot to be proud of and I need to be celebrating!


In case you are curious, I am using the Gilded Tarot. You can find it here.

The Daily Me (Journal) Goals – 12/02/2016

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

And as from yesterday, this also comes from my death bed. Yes, I still feel like I am dying. And yes, I know that’s not true. So with what little time I am awake, I am trying to schedule a few of these ahead of time because I am taking a complete break from all of this over the weekend to hopefully heal. So onward to this prompt while my brain is semi-functioning….

A goal you’ve been putting off. What’s stopping you?

I have several writing goals that I keep putting on the back burner. One of them involves a vampire story that I eventually want to complete. It’s the story of a 600-year-old vampiress. Lots of intricate details need to be worked out, which means it will be tedious. I’ve been shelving it for years now.

Another writing goal is to edit two novellas, maybe put them on .pdf and make them available in their entirety as a book. Again, this would be tedious work and I would have to learn some technical stuff.

And my last writing goal is to finish the binders that contain some of my writing and include recent work from the last two years. More tedious work.

I keep shelving all of these because they require a lot of attention and painstaking busyness that I just don’t have the energy for these days. I think I need a secretary.

10 Daily Currents – 03.16.16

It is Wednesday at 12:22 pm and I am currently…

1. listening: the birds singing outside, my dad and brother discussing politics *shock* and voices in my head

2. eating: fried eggs, bacon, an avocado

3. drinking: coffee with cream and stevia

4. wearing: black sweats, purple sweater, purple socks

5. feeling: sleepy, so very sleepy

6. weather: cool, partly cloudy, around 65 degrees

7. wanting: my feet to stop burning

8. needing: sleep… been up since 3 am

9. thinking: about how to be more efficient with my time, how to get more writing in each day, and what all I need to change to accomplish these things

10. enjoying: I’m not… I am sleepy, grouchy and my feet are burning.. not much there to enjoy. I hate when physical issues still my joy.

02.18.16 – End of Day Notes

What I did today: I had a very late start of things today. Didn’t roll out of bed until 10 am. Not sure why I am sleeping in so late each morning now. I’ve been off of the Nyquil for two days now. So it’s really screwing up my schedule and well, if you know me, then you know how I hate being off schedule. I did manage to get all of my writing goals done for the day. I’ve scheduled two posts for the A2Z challenge for this blog so far. I’ve written two new poems for my chapbook, and I even took some me-time this evening to indulge in a little Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. I have yet to read emails though and since I am getting very sleepy, I may just check urgent emails and be done with it for the night.

What I learned today: I did some reflections for Calen’s challenge today and it dredged up some past horrors. But what I learned was that it is okay to reflect on the past because I no longer live in the past.

What I am most proud of today: I know this is beginning to sound like a broken record, but if you knew me and you knew how big of a procrastinator I once was, you would be proud of me too… I am sticking to my schedules and I am making progress towards my goals.

What did you do today? Learn any lessons? Have a reason to be proud? Share your thoughts with me in the comments!

02.07.16 – End of Day Notes

What I did today: I completed all of my writing projects for the day. Read some new blogs, read some emails, commented on some blogs. Watched an episode of Midsomer Murders while I ate dinner. Took a nap. And am now preparing myself for the Super Bowl.

What I learned today: I’ve been quite reflective today, a lot lately, in fact. It’s been a while since I’ve been so melancholy. Perhaps it is from writing these Horror stories and being in that mindset. What I am learning though is that although I am in that mindset, I do not have to allow it to consume me to the point of depression. Thank you, Mindfulness!

What I am most proud of today:  It has been 38 days now since I began organizing and using my online calendar to keep me on track with my writing goals. This has not only allowed me to mange my time better, but to be in control of my goals as well. For that, I am immensely proud of myself.

02.04.16 – End of Day Notes

Way back in 2014, I briefly began this endeavor and then became ill and never worked on it again. I think it is time to reprise this and began again.

What I did today: Today has been a busy day. I completed my writings for my blogs. Read some new and already-following blogs, commented, and did some reblogs. Began gathering idea for some new poems. Read some emails. Cooked dinner. And am now winding down as I’ve been up for 12 hours and the sleep demons are attacking me.

What I learned today: I have way too many emails to read on an average day and am already a week behind.

What I am most proud of today: Normally, I would tackle emails first thing in the morning, but since the beginning of the year, I have made writing the top priority. I think this is something I can be proud about each and every day of this new year.

Share Your World – 2016 Week 5

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for Cee’s Share Your World

If you had a shelf for your three most special possessions (not including photos, electronic devices and things stored on them, people or animals), what would you put on it?

My Orson Scott Card collection, the book The House of Breath by William Goyen and my Dancing Girl bronze statue

If you had a box labelled ‘happiness’, what would you put in it?

All three of my college degrees, the bus ticket from OK to VA, feathers my raven flock leave me, my favorite poetry books, my CD and DVD collections, pictures of past partners who despite the break-ups brought me happiness, pictures of the pets I’ve lost over the years, my sketches and collages, my gratitude journal

What do you want more of in your life?

*Gap* moments

Daily Life List: What do you do on an average day? Make a list of your usual activities you do each day.

This is what I have been doing almost constantly since the 28th of January (some of this I do every day this will be followed by an *)

  • wake up, meditate for 20 mins and then get out of bed*
  • turn on my computer and desk lamp*
  • stumble down the hallway for a pee and coffee*
  • do 20 mins of stretching exercises*
  • check my calendar for the day’s events and to-do list
  • write 750 words
  • turn on my Youtube Music Playlist*
  • get more coffee, stretch my legs, pee*
  • begin my writing projects*
  • finish my writing projects*
  • get more coffee, stretch my legs, pee*
  • go through the list of A2Zers and follow blogs
  • check emails and read blog posts and reblog as necessary
  • stretch my legs, bathroom break if needed*
  • contemplate if I am hungry enough to eat, if yes… cook. If no… read more blogs
  • eat dinner, because by now it is around 3 or 4 pm*
  • reward myself with a movie or tv program*
  • check facebook and twitter, or chat with a friend on the phone
  • take a late evening nap*
  • get out of bed, make tea and read emails or work on other writing projects*
  • return to bed around 2 or 3 am*
  • wash, rinse, repeat

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Last week I am grateful that I completed my January goals, spent time with my dad, and caught up with an old friend.

This week I am looking forward to writing more horror stories and working on my other writing projects.

#joyfuljan – Day Thirty-one

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For today’s #joyfuljan, I find joy in completing goals.

Today is the last day of this Joyful January challenge. Except for the four days that I was unable to be online due to a winter mishap with my wifi line, I have posted every single day. I’ve also written small stones and did the JusJoJan each day (except for those 4). It brings me joy to set goals and make plans and be able to complete them.

It wasn’t always the easiest to come up with joyful reasons each day, but I have learned over the course of this month that joy can come in the simplest of things, from a cup of coffee or tea, to chatting with family and friends, and even celebrating happenstance moments in my life.

Thank you to everyone who came here each day and shared these moments with me. You too brought joy to my life!

What are you joyful about today? Let me know in the comments.


Throughout the month of January, I will be celebrating Joyful January with Satya and Kaspa over at Writing Our Way Home

September 01: End of Day Notes

What I did today: I decluttered my email inbox. I had over 7k in emails and worked them down to a manageable 2k.

What I learned today: I need to be mindful of my actions; procrastinate less, act more.

What I am most proud of today: I have resisted the late night snack monkeys

 

Tomorrow’s Goals

1. Morning Meditation

2. Morning bath (yes, I have to remind myself to do this or it becomes a late evening thing and makes me sleepy instead invigorated)

3. Write — I am constantly reminded to write every day and yet I fail at this task over and over again. Try and try again. I refuse to give up on making this a habit

4. Practice Mindfulness all through the day