This week’s challenge is What makes you feel vulnerable?
My biggest vulnerable spot is allowing myself to get too close to people online. I have this knack for getting attached to people, enjoying their company, and conversing back and forth with them. It takes me a while to fully open up to people, but it seems like when I am the most comfortable with them, something always goes wrong. They break off contact with me. This has happened more times than I care to admit. And I never know why they break contact. I don’t know if I said something wrong or misinterpreted something. I get no feedback from them. They are there one minute and the next minute they are gone. This has forced me to be a very guarded person. I don’t like being this vulnerable and I don’t like having to caution myself. But I also don’t like being hurt and a few times I was hurt so deeply that I fell into depression. The worst one happened last May and I ditched a whole blog and went off the grid for several months. I am a highly sensitive person and when someone is upset with me, it breaks my heart. But when I cannot even reach someone again to make amends, well, that is the worst part.
I am also vulnerable to narcissists. I seem to be a magnet to these kinds of people. Just about every man I have dated (and one I married) has been a narcissist. Someone explained it to me like this: “Since they have no feelings, they are attracted to those who feel too much.” This is probably true since I am an empath. I don’t know if they want to be around me so they can mirror me or destroy me. What I *do* know is that a couple of times my relationship with these men very nearly did destroy me. Twice I have escaped just in time to save my sanity. Now I know the subtle clues and I look out for all of the red flags that they send out. It has made it quite difficult for me to even think about dating again.
As the Fates Would Have It 