Where Did She Go?

Hello Lovelies! It’s been a long time since I have blogged here. In fact, my last blog was in July of 2018. A LOT has happened since then. How about a little recap?

Late July 2018 – My father went into the hospital, which turned into a long stay and my brother decided he was no longer going to drive me to doc appointments or to get food, or even to see my dad while he was in the hospital. Long story short, we got into an argument and I became enemy #1 as a result. Only by the grace of strangers was I able to get my meds and food.

October 2018 – Dad in recovery at a nursing home. Brother still not helping me and threatens to call the cops and have me kicked out of DAD’s house in September, so I searched everywhere local for a place to move to without any luck.  Finally contacted my estranged husband and moved back to Oklahoma. The very day I leave, dad comes home, but I don’t even get to say goodbye.

May 2019 – My father dies and since I am estranged from my family, no one tells me. I find out via a cousin’s FB post. In the meantime, I end up in the hospital with a severe kidney infection that takes over a month to heal.

Just days before Christmas 2019 – My brother commits suicide. The only silver lining… my sister and I have reconnected. She has been a guiding light for me since.

So it has been a rough couple of years, but I am doing ok. My husband and I get along most of the time, even though we no longer have a traditional marriage. We are more like companions now and even have separate bedrooms. I am once again in therapy and have learned some interesting things about the family dynamics that I grew up in and how those dynamics changed everything (will tell that story in another post soon). This time, I LOVE being back in Oklahoma. A few years ago, I swore I would never come back here, but now I am glad that I did. I’ve reconnected with my inlaws and love them all so much. My health has improved as I’ve gone on a Whole Foods/Plant-Based diet. I am happy, fulfilled and as of today, I’ve even started writing again. I think I am going to be fine.

I hope to make, if not daily, at least weekly updates here. Some of my posts will likely be about current events, spiritual matters, and a few odds and ends. Looking forward to reconnecting with everyone here. Much love & blessings, my dear lovelies!

 

Batting 100 – R.I.P

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It was bad enough that the friend I’d just reconciled with dropped me like I never existed, but now my girlfriend has cheated on me. She knew how devastated I was about the broken friendship and we’d just spent four days together. We also talked every day on the phone, online and via emails together. It wasn’t as if I’d been ignoring her. We were so new, so fresh, just a little over a month as lovers. And she cheated. With a man. Oh but it meant nothing –  her words. She still loves me, wants me, needs me. So why the cheating? And I am supposed to forgive and forget.

Well, I cannot. This was a last chance at love for me. It took a lot out of me to give away my heart one more time. And of all the people in the world, she was the last person I ever thought would hurt me. A life-long friend who’d always cared, or so I thought. Someone I swore I’d never go there with for fear of ruining a friendship, but she convinced me that she wouldn’t hurt me. Promised me that she wouldn’t hurt me and in less than 45 days, she did just that.

I am more than done. I see a dark, lonely cave in my future and I couldn’t be more glad.