Batting 100 – R.I.P

It was bad enough that the friend I’d just reconciled with dropped me like I never existed, but now my girlfriend has cheated on me. She knew how devastated I was about the broken friendship and we’d just spent four days together. We also talked every day on the phone, online and via emails together. It wasn’t as if I’d been ignoring her. We were so new, so fresh, just a little over a month as lovers. And she cheated. With a man. Oh but it meant nothing –  her words. She still loves me, wants me, needs me. So why the cheating? And I am supposed to forgive and forget.

Well, I cannot. This was a last chance at love for me. It took a lot out of me to give away my heart one more time. And of all the people in the world, she was the last person I ever thought would hurt me. A life-long friend who’d always cared, or so I thought. Someone I swore I’d never go there with for fear of ruining a friendship, but she convinced me that she wouldn’t hurt me. Promised me that she wouldn’t hurt me and in less than 45 days, she did just that.

I am more than done. I see a dark, lonely cave in my future and I couldn’t be more glad.

 

“Friends” – What Are They Good For?

In recent months, I have reconnected with an old high school friend. After a bit of a tiff years ago, we hadn’t spoken since the late 1990s, but seemed to fall right back into our friendship as though it had never ended. She’d been going through some rough patches in her love life and recently had a run-in with the law, resulting in an upcoming court date. I’ve been there for her through all her recent woes, tried to be understanding, give advice when asked, offer solutions, guidance, or just a shoulder to cry/lean on.

Lately, she has been distant. I know she is worried about her upcoming court date, so I’ve tried to give her as much space as possible, just leaving her encouraging messages once or twice a week on Facebook, to let her know I am thinking about her and if she needs me, to call. I did my first of the week message posts today, but got an unusual response – “Please stop.”

I was dumbstruck. Still dumbstruck. I haven’t a clue what I’ve done wrong. All I have heard from her is that no one has been there for her or really cared and when I’ve tried, this is the response I get? It feels like someone sucker punched me in the stomach. I’ve listened to her cry over a lost love at all hours of the day and night. Listened to her complain about the relationship she is in now. Worried with her over her upcoming court date. Never once I have I told her to shut up and let it go, or not been there to listen. And now, I feel like I’ve wasted my time. I don’t want to feel that way, but I do. And I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong.

Should I just cut her off completely? Not answer if she calls? Just let her go, again? I am so confused, so hurt, so… *sighs*

I swore I’d never let another person hurt me this badly again. Swore I wouldn’t get attached to anyone enough to let them rip out my heart. And yet, I’ve done it again. Time to just go crawl into a hole and ignore the world again.