01.01.17 – End of Day Notes

What I did today:  Today was a bit busy for me. I spent the day getting used to my new routine. Yes, there are always routines with me and then I grow to regret them, but for now, a new routine. Writing – there will always be that. Lots of journal writing and drabbles. Trying to hone my skills. Also started a new writing course. That should definitely help with my writing.  A cleansing fast – did a 7-day a few months back and rather liked the feeling of emptiness at the end. I am shooting for 14 days this time. 

What I learned today:  That my great-niece Skylor loves to read. That thrilled me beyond tears. I now have a young mind to expand, even if it isn’t my place to do so. Her sister, Autumn loves art and Hot Wheels. Her grandfather is encouraging the Hot Wheels part, which also thrills me. I hate gender specific toys. 

What I am most proud of today? I’ve been gentle with myself today. Not over-doing anything even though I have this burning desire to exercise. I know that isn’t good on a cleansing fast, so lots of pampering and resting. The exercising can begin once I am finished with the fast. 

What did you do today, dear readers? Learn any lessons? Have a reason to be proud? Share your thoughts with me in the comments!

Song Lyric Sunday – Feeling Good by Nina Simone


Feeling Good

Nina Simone

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin’ on by you know how I feel.

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life for me yeah

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me
And I’m feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don’t you know
Butterflies all havin’ fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done that’s what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world for me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good

Songwriters: Leslie Bricusse / Anthony Newley
Feeling Good lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, T.R.O. Inc.


Song Lyric Sunday is the brainchild of Helen Espinosa. Feel free to join us each Sunday!

10 Daily Currents – 01.01.17

It is Sunday at 12:48 pm and I am currently…

1. listening: iHeart Radio, Rock Nation – Hail to the King by Avenged Sevenfold

2. eating: nothing solid. Doing a cleansing fast

3. drinking: ice water, Earl Grey Tea

4. wearing: Black PJs

5. feeling: anxious, hoping I haven’t set the bar too high

6. weather: cold, grey clouds

7. wanting: to feel empty

8. needing: to work on writing projects

9. thinking: Dad and Bill both caught the bug my sister brought with her on the 27th when she visited. How did I miss it? I usually catch everything. Just grateful it hasn’t hit me yet. Need to stay away from them.

10. enjoying: a smoke

Dear readers, if you’d like to join me with these 10 Dailies, snag them and link back to my blog so I can read your dailies.

The Daily Me (Journal) My Life’s Timeline – 01/01/17

Today’s prompt comes from Journaling Your Way Home via Writing Our Way Home, in which Kaspa has asked us to write a timeline of our life. (Note: this is taken from an e-book which I purchased as part of this e-course. If you’d like to join in, you can purchase the course at the Journaling Your Way Home address above)

My Life’s Timeline

June 20, 1966 – Loretta Anne was born on this day in Covington Virginia

Late April, 1972 – Reye’s Syndrome, coma, near-death. One of two survivors, but unscathed.

Late April, 1972 – By contract, I’Ceen, an Andromedan, walked into Loretta’s body and resumed all of her functions.

1974 – Family moved to Clifton Forge VA

1978 – Sexual harassment by male classmates

Summer 1979 – Molested by sister’s then-boyfriend

Autumn 1979 – Began high school (eighth grade)

1983 – Graduated a year early from high school

Autumn 1983 – Began community college taking Business Management courses

Spring 1984 – Moved out of parents’ house for the first time and in with 3 classmates; began having casual sex

Late Autumn 1984 – Quit college and moved to Covington Virginia, worked at Roses Department store and then Groggins Plastics for a short while

Spring 1985 – Met Andy via my sister (8 years older than me), moved to Greensboro NC, lived with sister and brother-in-law, dated Andy

Late Summer 1985 – got kicked out of sister’s place for being a shameful hussy, her words; moved back to Covington VA; met David, a Mormon missionary; joined the LDS church; prepared myself to marry David the following year when his mission would be over.

Mid-Winter 1986 – David and I broke up; Andy came for a visit; I got pregnant.

Early Spring 1986 – Married Andy and moved to Burlington NC; lost the baby at end of 1st trimester; left him at the end of 7 months (he was abusive); quit attending the LDS church because I was shunned for leaving my husband

November 1986 – moved back to Covington VA, got a job as a receptionist at a Hotel; met Jim; filed for divorce.

January 1987 – Summer 1989 – lived with Jim; divorce finalized; Jim asked me to marry him; worked two-to-three jobs. Began to realize who I really was: a walk-in. It would be another 24 years before I would discover all of it fully.

Summer 1989 – Early Spring 1991 – broke up with Jim (he got cold feet); moved out; began having more casual sex and partying with friends. Began studying Wicca

Mid-Spring 1991 – moved back home to Clifton Forge; got a job at a restaurant; enrolled at the community college

Autumn 1991 – began classes at CC

Spring 1992 – began an affair with a married man named Mike; got pregnant; had a miscarriage when I found out he’d been cheating on not only his wife with me, but on both of us with another woman (couldn’t eat or sleep, became ill and lost baby). That miscarriage caused me to become sterile.

Autumn 1992 – Met Jaime, became fast friends; met Dameon at the Fall’s Festival and began dating him; he moved in with me in November of that year.

Spring 1993 – Discovered Dameon was cheating on me; kicked him out; moved in with Jaime; we became lovers; graduated from CC.

Autumn 1993 – Summer 1997 – Went to Hollins College; began going by the name Lori instead of Loretta; met Claire (my Reiki Master); worked part-time at a convenience store;  met ‘the name that shall not be spoken’ and had a six month fling; still lived with Jaime (we were mostly companions by this time); graduated with a BA in English in 1995, MALS in 1997

Autumn 1997 – Broke up completely with Jaime (we remained friends though until I moved to OK in 2005); moved to Roanoke VA; still going to Hollins University, taking a CAS in Creative Writing

Winter 1997 – Winter 1998 – had casual sex with multiple partners, both male and female; began studying Buddhism

Winter 1998 – Met John; he moved in

Spring 1999 – finished CAS only to learn that I would not get my certificate due to financial issues at the college, nor my other transcripts; kicked out John; began working at Allstate

1999 – December 2000 – lots of casual sex; worked at Allstate; had first nervous breakdown in October; put on antidepressants and anxiety meds.

January 2001 – October 2001 – Met the estranged one online; met in person in April; he moved in in June; I quit work at Allstate due to mental state; he and I married in October.

November 2001 – April 2005 – Went to work at convenience store and did secretarial work for a car salesman; rocky start to marriage (he drank a lot); agreed to move to Oklahoma with him

April 2005 – 2008 – lived in OK with estranged one; didn’t work; stayed home, miserable and homesick

2008 -2009  – estranged one came off the road (he was a truck driver) due to an accident; got my first job since moving there at a smoke shop; had casual sex with a few customers; met Tanya online

Autumn 2009 – Tanya moved down from Canada to be with me; big fight with the estranged one; moved out with Tanya for 6 months

Late Spring 2010 – Lost job at smoke shop because of mental illness; lost house with Tanya; moved back in with the estranged one

June 20, 2010 – Tanya went back to Canada; suicide attempt and hospitalized on June 26th

Autumn 2010 – 2012 – series of suicide attempts (7 in all); hospitalizations; diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and severe OCD; moved out and in with Carol (met at mental hospital) three separate times; had a fling with a married man while living with Carol; finally moved back in with the estranged one in March 2012. In 2011, I was contacted by an Andromedan named Fulsan who began my education on who I truly am and why I am here.

October 2012 – March 2013 – diagnosed with uterine cancer, surgery and round of chemo

Late March 2013 – final suicide attempt and hospitalization in OK.

October 2014 – left the estranged one and Oklahoma; moved back to Virginia and in with Dad and brother.

Late 2014 to Present – still living with Dad and brother; celibate; nervous breakdown in June 2016 and hospitalized; found out the estranged one is transgender; giving him my full support; spend time writing; still in contact with Fulsan.

And there you go, dear readers. The. Most. Honest timeline of my life that I have ever done, filled with all of my shameful deeds. I think I need a good stiff drink now. It’s a shame it is so early in the morning. Some of these will be flushed out with other exercises from this course.






My Daily Tarot – Queen of Pentacles


01/01/17 – Queen of Pentacles

You have worked hard and well. You have created a life filled with physical pleasures and beauty through your skills and careful budgeting of resources. You take great pride in your practicality. People around you enjoy the fruits of your labor. And although this gives you pleasure, you get just as much satisfaction from the results of your endeavors.

Be aware of becoming fixated on end results and losing all joy in the process of creating. There is a danger of worrying about money too much. While it’s wise to be careful, don’t become obsessed with frugality. And don’t sacrifice your spiritual, creative, and emotional life on the altar of practicality.

This is a curious card for me, dear Tarot. Yes, I always worked hard, but no, I never accumulated many physical pleasures or things of beauty, unless you count my DVD and book collections. I was always the type that spent money when I had it, usually for others, because I knew I could always make more money. Now, I am on a very small, fixed income (that just may get even smaller thanks to Republicans), and yes, money is a constant worry. I have little to no choice but to be frugal and practical these days. I may not have to worry as much until around 2018, but that is only a year away and I must tighten my belt as much as possible.

I do understand the worry about sacrificing my spiritual, creative and emotional life though. I don’t really see any of these as a huge problem. As a Buddhist, I meditate, so little expense there. As a writer, all I need is a laptop and internet connection. So long as I can keep both, no problem there. Emotionally, I do have to be concerned with my mental health. If things get too bleak, I could go into a deep depression again, which would mean hospitalization and medication, both very expensive.

I guess I will have to let this marinate a bit. See if it invokes any further thought and considerations.