What makes you feel loved?
I am pretty sure I’ve addressed this in other posts. I don’t feel loved. Never have and probably never will. I think if anything, some people merely tolerate me and those who cannot, exit my life. I’m just really not good with people and I don’t pretend to be. I think that makes people uncomfortable around me and prevents people from getting close enough to me to show me genuine love. And because since childhood, I’ve never felt wanted or that I am a burden, I don’t give out love easily and I don’t trust those who claim to love me. It is all so dreadfully complicated. And as such, I’d really just rather not bother with it all. I am better off being alone, and just loving myself.
Now there are ways these days that I show myself love. This is a relatively new thing that I’ve been trying out for about a year. I tell myself daily that I love myself, usually while looking into the mirror at her, and reminding myself that, for better or worse, she and I are one. I buy myself little presents to brighten my day. And I allow myself to have what I call “spa” days were I pamper myself. All of this is better than living a life devoid of any kind of love.
As the Fates Would Have It 
“And as such, I’d really just rather not bother with it all. I am better off being alone, and just loving myself.” I wish I could take you for a cup of coffee and discuss this one. You feel you are loving yourself, and yet I believe that we are wired (I won’t use the word created ’cause not everyone has that belief) to live in connection with others. If that’s so, are you loving yourself the best you can by shutting yourself away from people? Just curious. ❤ 😉
You are correct, of course, Calen. I just get tired of either being disappointed by people or having people be disappointed in me. It’s such an exhausting cycle. However, that is precisely why I have chosen Engage to be my word of the year. I am going to make a concerted effort to engage with people and see where it gets me. Thanks love!
My dear Lori… You have YET to disappoint me! You are intelligent, funny, EXTREMELY well educated, and you can live in a house of the opposite political party and still retrain yourself from clubbing them! I’m in awe! 😀
*laughs* do stop, Calen.. I may get a swollen head (all for about 30 seconds *grins*)… the political thing is definitely surprising. My right-wing family does drive me insane. Thank goodness for my room and progressive Youtube channels! Love ya hun!
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