Perfection is saying and doing all the right things. It is maintaining order. Staying on schedule. Keeping routines. There is no room for flaws, no tolerance of mistakes, no deviations from set plans. It is a cold, strict world, one that I’ve lived in the majority of my life.
This world was initially forced upon me by my mother. She expected everything to be done perfectly – house work, school work, the laundry. Swift punishment came if anything was imperfect, usually in the form of tirades, berating, humiliation, and intimidation. As I grew older, I heard my mother’s words in my ears and rebelled against them. That lasted until I was about 25 and began college. I had to return to the perfectionism that my mother instilled in me in order to cope. I became my own tyrant, berating and humiliating myself for imperfections. Since I never received rewards for accomplishments from my mother, I’ve rarely rewarded myself for them either.
Perfectionism is a soul-sucking monster. It does not care about YOU, it only cares about what it can get from you. It is a nasty beast that steals your self-esteem, your worth and your life. It deserves to be slaughtered, hacked into pieces, boarded on a space ship and cast into the vast emptiness of space.