Today I went out with my friend Brenda to eat some Italian and then check out the body dump site. Well, it isn’t a body dump site yet, but it will be in my next Rayne Fallon story. So I thought I would share the pics we took with you. My imagination is booming. I don’t even have a new Rayne story on my to-do list for the foreseeable future. That may have to change though. Anyway, the pics:
I also found a large piece of quartz rock that spoke to me and brought home a laurel branch.
On a side note, I was my authentic self today. I normally dress according to the people I am going to be around. With Brenda, it is usually t-shirts, jeans and tennis shoes. She’s a tomboy and likes to frolic in the woods quite often. I just didn’t feel like t-shirts and jeans today. So instead, I wore a pair of black skinny jeans, a purplish-red crushed velvet, long-sleeved top, and black suede hiking boots. I also painted my nails in the same color as my top, put on make-up, and adorned my wrists with lots of bracelets. For the first time in about 5 years, I felt more like myself. It felt wonderful just to be me.
Perfection is saying and doing all the right things. It is maintaining order. Staying on schedule. Keeping routines. There is no room for flaws, no tolerance of mistakes, no deviations from set plans. It is a cold, strict world, one that I’ve lived in the majority of my life.
This world was initially forced upon me by my mother. She expected everything to be done perfectly – house work, school work, the laundry. Swift punishment came if anything was imperfect, usually in the form of tirades, berating, humiliation, and intimidation. As I grew older, I heard my mother’s words in my ears and rebelled against them. That lasted until I was about 25 and began college. I had to return to the perfectionism that my mother instilled in me in order to cope. I became my own tyrant, berating and humiliating myself for imperfections. Since I never received rewards for accomplishments from my mother, I’ve rarely rewarded myself for them either.
Perfectionism is a soul-sucking monster. It does not care about YOU, it only cares about what it can get from you. It is a nasty beast that steals your self-esteem, your worth and your life. It deserves to be slaughtered, hacked into pieces, boarded on a space ship and cast into the vast emptiness of space.
Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom
Describe your dream home.
I doubt it would be a surprise to my regular readers (and I think I’ve discussed this before), but my dream home is a cottage-like little house somewhere on the coast of Maine. The largest room would have to be the kitchen. Spacious with lots of cabinets, a centered work station with a large wood block. Stainless steel sink, stove and fridge. The next largest room would be the studio. It would be for my writing and art, large windows to let the light in, and with a loft-slopping ceiling, covering the entire second level. A modest-sized bedroom with lots of closet space. A living room with ceiling-to-floor built-in shelves on two walls, a nice fireplace, and a patio door leading out to a lovely screened-in porch where I could also have lots of plants. There would also be a nice garden out back for flowers and vegetables, and surrounded by pine, spruce and maple trees.
12/23/16 – Six of Swords
You are running from something. Unless you examine the way you think, your running will accomplish nothing except an immediate escape from what is troubling you. Until you learn to face it, it will come up again in some other guise.
Be aware of overanalyzing. Our ancient instinct exists as a defense mechanism. Although probably not as often now, there are times when fleeing a dangerous situation is the right thing to do.
This is interesting. I know the water in the picture above signifies emotions. I am always running from those. I don’t like to show my emotions because that leaves me vulnerable and I don’t like to be vulnerable either. I don’t feel any danger around me. However, I will be out and about with my friend from Roanoke today. We could get ourselves into trouble, though she and I are usually overly cautious (we are both introverts).
I don’t usually do this, but I am going to pull a qualifier card.
Queen of Swords (at least I am still in the swords – challenges, intellect, ways of thinking.) You have used your mind, truth and logical thinking to create order in your world. You’ve taken your suffering and joys and marred them to a useful philosophy so that you are at ease in the world. You are a good and helpful friend, although some may say you lack emotion.
Be aware of depending too much on order. Remember to be flexible when things don’t go your way. Allow others to behave as they believe right. Your ways are not everyone’s ways. Do not divorce yourself from your emotions in an effort to protect yourself.
Not sure I understand anymore now than before I drew the card. Maybe this has to do with my attempt to reach out to an old friend. She and I were quite chaotic together, spontaneous, and out there. My life is very ordered and structured now and I do tend to get upset if anything unbalances that order. If that friend is still the way she always was, she will find an entirely different person in me. It has been over 25 years since we hung out. Still, it might not be a bad thing to have some spontaneity in my overly structured life. I guess the real danger here could be having fun. Which I plan on doing some of today out with my friend from Roanoke.