The Sandbox Writing Challenge #1 — Reflection

I’ve got my shovel and I’m ready to dive into the sandbox with Calen’s first challenge questions from Roberta Allen’s book, The Playful Way to Knowing Yourself.

You find yourself in a quiet room looking at your reflection in this beautiful old mirror. What do you see? Is there anything in particular you like about yourself? Is there anything you don’t like? Tell us about it.

What do I see? An unrecognizable face. This is nothing new for me though. I’ve never recognized myself in a mirror, or a photograph for that matter. The ‘Me, I Am’ is not reflected in this body. This would probably be difficult for most people to understand, so I won’t go into great details. Just suffice to say, the ‘Me, I Am’ entered this body when it was 5 years old, sealed by contract. I will never get accustomed to her face.

Like? The smile is nice, as are the eyes. The hair is appealing as well.. long, blonde and a bit wavy.

Dislike? Truthfully, this entire Earthly Human body. It’s too plump, wrinkly, and peachy-pink pastel (ewww). But the worst aspect? It’s a physical body.

 

Creative Question 23 – Wealth

CQ 23 – What does wealth mean to you?

In regards to monetary wealth and material things, very little. So long as I can take care of my basics – food, shelter, clothing, and warmth – I don’t have much use for money. I am not materialist. I don’t necessarily want or need things, unless those things are books, candles, crystals and bracelets, my only weaknesses. I don’t have to buy the latest gadgets, spend money on jewels, or jet-set around the world. If I had money, I’d probably give the majority of it away to worthy charities.

I measure wealth by quality, rather than quantity. So long as I have a few close friends and am surrounded by a few caring family members, I consider myself wealthy in love and respect. Love, respect and honor are riches I would gladly accumulate, so long as they are genuine.

 

The Daily Me (Journal) Fave Color – 12/13/2016

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

What’s your favorite color and why?

This question is a toss-up for me. My initial response is always black. I love surrounding myself with this color. My bed sheets are all black, my curtains are black, and one of my comforters is black (as are all of my blankets). I have black candles all over my room. Most of my clothing is black. My favorite coat and boots are black. I still paint my nails black and most of my bracelets are black. I prefer the night, because yes, it is black. If I could still get away with it at my age, my hair would be black and I would still wear my black eyeshadow, eyeliner and lipstick. To me, black is not evil or satanic. It dispels evil. My own soul is black.

But the reason it is a toss-up is because I also love burgundy and crimson and surround myself with those colors too. My other comforter is burgundy. My carpet is crimson. My chair is burgundy. Some of my clothes are burgundy and crimson, especially my velvet tops and skirts. I have a crushed velvet, crimson jacket that I adore. Along with my black candles are also blackberry ones which are burgundy in color. If I do wear lipstick these days, it is always a deep burgundy or crimson, and for many years, I dyed my hair burgundy.

These are colors that I associate with my love of all things dark and macabre. They also reflect my love of night creatures, like bats and vampires. It’s probably why I am attracted to ravens, as well. In pop culture, I associate with Batman more so than any other superheroes – I understand his darkness. My preferred music groups are Linkin Park, Disturbed, H.I.M. and Apocalyptica (and far too many black and death heavy metal groups to list). They all embody that darkness that I love to surround myself with.

I’ve had therapists tell me that surrounding myself with black, and dark colors in general, increases my chances for depression. And maybe they are right (for some people), but I tried the bright colors and pastels before and well, they just aren’t me. They didn’t cheer me up or make me feel better. They actually depressed me. So maybe these therapists don’t understand me at all, nor what makes me happy.

My Daily Tarot – Two of Swords

12/13/16 – Two of Swords

You are faced with a decision and you aren’t sure what to do. You have to decide. Remove your blindfold and look squarely at the situation. Most likely you know what to do but are afraid. 

Be aware of ignoring the situation for too long. Pretending it isn’t there won’t make it go away.

Ah, now this is most likely about the moving situation I spoke about yesterday. I am still grappling with it and I do think that by avoiding it, I secretly hope my friend will find another roommate while I  continue to ‘consider’ it. So if I secretly hope she will find someone else, why don’t I just tell her I am no longer considering it as an option? Good question. I think it is because I do want to move. I am just afraid that I won’t be able to afford it and months later, I will just have to move back in with my dad. I also don’t want to alienate one of the last of the two friends I do have.

I detest moving. I would rather do almost anything else than to pack up and make a major move. From the time I left home in 1983 until 1993, I moved on average every 6 months to a year. I cannot even remember how many different apartments and houses I lived in, not to mention some of the bad roommates I had. From 1993-1998, I remained in one location with my then-partner, JK. Then I moved to Roanoke VA and remained in that location from 1998-2005. I thought at the time I was pretty settled. Seven years in one location was like an eternity for me. But plans changed and I moved again from 2005-2014 to Oklahoma with the estranged one. Now I’ve been home since 2014 and I am just not sure I am ready to move yet again, especially if it won’t be a permanent residence.

So yes, there is real fear here and a lot of uncertainty. What if I do move in with my friend and it ruins our friendship? What if I cannot afford it and have to once again move? I also know I am putting off the inevitable because when dad dies (he’s currently 73 and in fairly good health for now), the house I now call home will be sold. I would have to find another place to live anyway. There is housing here for the disabled and elderly. I could always find an apartment there. But for now, I think I just want to be settled somewhere familiar and safe. Some place I know I can afford. I guess I need to make that phone call to my friend.

Share Your World – 2016 Week 50

For Cee’s Share Your World

What is your favorite smell? Fresh baked bread. What memory does it remind you of? Family holidays as a child. Mom always made fresh baked rolls and cinnamon rolls during the holidays. It also reminds me of the time I went to NY with my then-partner and we visited that great bakery in Brooklyn.

What type of pet do you have or want to have? Currently, I have no pets, but I always love cats and would love one – a female calico would be nice, or a black male kitten. I’d also like to have a dog or two. Perhaps a Great Dane or an English Pointer. And some skinks (little lizards) would be nice too. 

Are you usually late, early, or right on time? I am almost always early. I hate to be late and being right on time can sometimes be off, especially if the other person is late. If I am early to whatever or with whomever, I can always size up my environment and psyche myself up for whatever may take place.

For recharging, would you rather meditate, swim, walk, listen to music, write, read, yoga, qigong other? Meditation, yoga, reiki, reading, taking a walk, listening to music, and writing usually recharge me. If I had to pick just one activity, it would be meditation.

Optional Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week? My health finally improved and I was able to finish my Seeing You paranormal mystery novella (just over 52K, I am so proud!) 

and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?  Relaxing. I have no major writing projects to worry about, Christmas is still 12 days away, and there’s little else to do. I do plan on finishing a book I’ve been reading for a book review, but reading is also relaxing for me.