Month: November 2016

The Daily Me (Journal) Whose Sake? – 11/30/2016

/ Ravyne Hawke / 2 Comments

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

Someone that you are keeping in your life for their sake, not yours.

I can honestly say that I have given up everyone I kept for a long time for their sake and/or my own. I held on to these people believing that they would change, or I could save them or they would eventually enrich my life in some way. And then I realized, I am not doing this to help my life in anyway, I was doing it for them. I didn’t want them to suffer even though they made my life miserable. I didn’t want them to feel pain by my choice to move on. I fretted and worried. Did they fret or worry over me? Hardly. With each of them, I thought, I’ve known this person for so long, why throw away a friendship because of a, b, or c? I was only giving them more ammunition to ignore me unless it suited them, change their minds about visiting, or selfishly expect me to drop whatever I was doing to be with them whenever they chose. I was not living my life. I was always waiting on/for them.

I let one go in August of 2015. It was a difficult decision because he had been a major part of my life since my early 20s. The next one I let go in December of 2015. She’d moved away, gone on with her life, but I felt the need to keep emailing her twice a year to show her I still cared. I would receive maybe a couple words from her a year. Who’s sake was I holding on for? I had to let her go. And the last was in May of 2016. I’d tried to let her go the year before, but decided to give her one last chance. By May, it was apparent that she’d fallen back into the same ole pattern that had made me let her go the previous year.

These were difficult choices. It now means that I am down to two semi-local friends (they both live a good distance away, one 45 mins, the other 2 hrs – and I have no car). I have no social life, stay at home 90% of the time, and only get to talk to my friends on the phone or via email. I do have many online friends, but somehow it isn’t the same as having someone to share things with on a person to person level. Still, it is better than wasting away waiting on so-called friends to find the time to be with me. I’d rather be alone.

The Daily Me (Journal) Love – 11/29/2016

/ Ravyne Hawke / 1 Comment

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

Describe LOVE using all five senses.

Love is the sight of…

a sunrise or sunset
flowers blooming
the face of your mate or best friend
the stars in the sky on a clear, dark night
a kitten taking a bath or snuggling against it’s mother

Love is the sound of…

a raven cawing
a child’s laughter
music flowing from your favorite instrument
the ocean breathing in and out
the voice of someone you respect

Love is the scent of…

a fresh baked pumpkin pie
the morning brew
the air after a rainfall
wood burning in the fireplace
leaves several days after falling

Love is the feel of…

the caress of a lover
the wind on your face
a cozy blanket
fresh fruits and veggies from the vine
peach-fuzz of a new born baby’s head

Love is the taste of…

snowflakes on your tongue
the ocean’s salty tears
a homemade coconut cream pie
a Guinness shared among friends
fresh drinking water for all humankind

Share Your World – 2016 Week 48

/ Ravyne Hawke / 1 Comment

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For Cee’s Share Your World

Do you prefer eating foods with nuts or no nuts?  I love nuts, but recent dental work now prevents me from enjoying them.

If someone made a movie of your life would it be a drama, a comedy, a romantic-comedy, action film, or science fiction? How about a dramedy? Some parts are pure drama and others so hilariously funny as to not seem real.

 Who talks real sense to you? These days? No one. I am the only progressive, liberal, democratic socialist in my entire family and none of the right-wingers in my family make any sense to me. Outside of my family, the only ones talking sense are people like Thom Hartmann, Jimmy Dore, Bill Maher, Sam Seder, and those like them.

Do you have a favorite board game? Normally, I don’t play games, but an ex-bf of mine introduced me to a game called Empire Builder and I fell in love with it. Got pretty good at playing it too.

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Optional Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week? Spending time with my family during Thanksgiving.

and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? Hopefully better health. I’ve been ill one way or another this entire month and it would be nice to just feel better for a change. I also hope to finish my paranormal story.

The Daily Me (Journal) Precious – 11/28/2016

/ Ravyne Hawke / 2 Comments

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

Ten things you hold most dear.

  1. My family
  2. Friends
  3. WordPress friends and readers
  4. My Orson Scott Card book collection
  5. My Stephen King book collection
  6. Paintings by Jim Knighton and Karen Lundquist
  7. My spiritual connection with the Universe
  8. My life (it hasn’t always been so precious)
  9. My writing
  10. My crystal and stone collection

When I first began the list, I thought there’s no way I will make it to ten. I don’t have that many precious things. But now, I think I could have gone on a bit longer.

The Daily Me (Journal) Better Life – 11/27/2016

/ Ravyne Hawke / 2 Comments

Today’s prompt comes from 100 Inspirational Journal Prompts by Melissa Bolton @ The Mogul Mom

Someone whose life is better because they knew you? Why?

I’ve only had one person in all of my 50 years tell me that their life is better because they knew me. And as ironic as it may be, that one person is my estranged husband. Yes, the narcissist who left my life in a shambles after 13 years of marriage and for whom I’ve had to work hard, mentally and emotionally, to re-build any sense of a relationship with him.

He’s told me this many times over the years and most of the time, I didn’t believe he was sincere. How could I have made his life better when he made mine so miserable? After long Ho’oponopono meditations, I was able to forgive myself and him for our failed marriage and something wonderful happened. The estranged one actually admitted fault too. I was flabbergasted because Narcissists don’t usually admit fault. Had I mislabeled him? I don’t really think so, at least not entirely. He has a lot of Narc traits, but maybe he still has a soul too.

Anyway, to get back on point. I believe him now when he says I bettered his life. When we met, he wasn’t very spiritual. He’d grown up in an ultra-religious christian family and rebelled in his mid-twenties. He’d become so critical of anything spiritual, even outside of Christianity. He was bitter, cynical, and angry. Over the course of the 15 years I have known him, his attitude has changed. I knew he would never accept any religion or spiritual path that was dogmatic. So I introduced him to Taoism. He took it right away and now considers himself a Taoist. He is, though, still working through his anger issues.

Another way he says I helped to better him was through nutrition. He used to consume tons of Mountain Dew and complained about his kidneys all the time, not making the connection between the two on his own. I weened him off of sodas and got him to drink green tea, cranberry juice, and flavored waters. He still drinks these even though we have separated. As for food, he consumed way too much junk food and complained about his increasing waist line. He now eats more vegetables and has gone almost completely vegetarian from my advice.

And the final way he says I have helped to better himself? By allowing him to be his authentic self. With the exception of trying to get him to stop drinking so much, I never tried to change his ways. He is highly artistic and enjoys creating music. I encouraged him to do those things after other partners had discouraged him. After our separation, the estranged one came to a realization about himself – he is actually a woman. He was afraid to tell me because he knew how he had always treated me about sex and said derogatory things to me about being a woman. He says that it was due to self-hate, knowing he was female but being stuck in a male body and so he lashed out at me. When he told me, I wasn’t at all surprised. I’d seen hints of it in him. I accepted this of him and have encouraged him to pursue a course toward becoming who he is meant to be. We still use the male gender identifier (his decision) because he still has to live as a male until he can afford the hormone treatments and surgery. I do now call him Madison instead of Matt though.

I know I’ve only had a handful of friends over my lifetime, but I still find it strange that none of them, besides the estranged one, has ever told me that I had bettered their lives. I’ve always tried to be open and compassionate with people, not tried to change them, and allowed them to come and go in my life unhindered. I wonder if I’ve made any impact on them and they just don’t know how to tell me (or feel they don’t need to do so). I think from time to time, people need to hear the words – My life is better because you are/were in it.