05.05.16 – End of Day Notes

What I did today: As little as possible. I am not even sure what this day was all about. It’s been a dreary, cold, rainy day and my mood has matched it. I crawled in bed early this morning at around 3 am. Got back up at 5 am to turn on the beans that my brother wanted cooked for dinner today. Then crawled back into bed. As far as I know, I felt fine then, just extremely groggy. My friend (the selfish one I write about sometimes) called me at 9:30 this morning. I don’t usually get calls that early and definitely not from her. I answered because I was scared something was wrong. The phone ringing and the thought of something wrong immediately put me into panic mode. However, there was nothing wrong – she just wanted to chat because she was home alone as her parents had gone off somewhere without her and she couldn’t reach another friend on the phone. I don’t know if that set me off into a dark mood or not, but it did irritate me because of all the people in the world, she knows I have strange sleep schedules and I am not much of a morning person. She knows this dammit! She is my oldest friend and knows just about everything about me. She should have known better! The longer I sat there listening to her drone on and on about her life and not even apologizing for waking me, the darker I became. By the time we hung up 45 minutes later, I’d already descended into a deep funk. I tried to work on my writing projects since I was already up, but only managed to get the 366 thing and the small stones done. I resolved that I needed to be back in bed, so I did so. I slept until around 4 pm. I’ve now been up just over 5 hrs and my mood hasn’t lightened much. Somehow, I managed to write my story today (well, I know how… Annette lifted my spirits some), but I still feel odd, like my head is fuzzy. Not quite the same feeling I have with allergy attacks, but similar. As soon as I post this, I am going back to bed.

What I learned today: Did I learn anything at all? I just don’t know. I am trying to figure out what is causing me to feel so dark and gloomy lately because today was just another day in a long string of days where my mood has been darkened. I am wondering if it is my diet. I’ve gone back to eating carbohydrates now and again, probably too often. When I eat them, I rarely eat good fats or protein with them. All I want is the carbs (cookies, candy, potatoes, noodles, beans, bread). I will eat them over anything and then my blood sugar soars and my mood goes into the tank. It’s time I go back on my low carb diet full time and stop this on again off again shit.

What I am most proud of today? I didn’t lose my cool with my friend, even though I was horribly irritated. And until this mood lifts, I will just avoid her. So I’ve unplugged my phone for a few days. Hopefully if I change my diet back, I will be okay again by the beginning of next week.

What did you do today, dear readers? Learn any lessons? Have a reason to be proud? Share your thoughts with me in the comments!

6 thoughts on “05.05.16 – End of Day Notes

  1. I rarely get in dark moods or depressed but when I do I have a pity poor Patricia party and a good cry. I usually end up laughing at myself because really I have a good life and I’m happy.

  2. Today I saw my friend for the first time in a year. She had just informed me the doctors said there was nothing more they could do for her cancer because the tumors were still growing through her chemo and radiation. She was in bed and had a catheter, her hair mostly shaved. Her parents came over every so often to move her legs for her. I brought her some of my favorite books to read and we talked for hours. It broke my heart to see her so sick, but I’m glad I got to visit. I’m glad she told me so I could come and visit. I learned today that I can’t waste time with the friends I love. I’m so bad at keeping in contact, but I can’t imagine how I would feel if I never saw her again because I was too busy to call. I think it was an important lesson for me today.

    • I am so sorry to hear about your friend, Serena. I am a cancer survivor and I know how important it is to the mental state of a cancer patient to be surrounded by people who love them. Thank goodness she told you and now you are able to spend time with her before she passes. It will make a huge difference to her and you as well. Such a beautiful lesson you’ve learned. Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

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