05.05.16 – End of Day Notes

What I did today: As little as possible. I am not even sure what this day was all about. It’s been a dreary, cold, rainy day and my mood has matched it. I crawled in bed early this morning at around 3 am. Got back up at 5 am to turn on the beans that my brother wanted cooked for dinner today. Then crawled back into bed. As far as I know, I felt fine then, just extremely groggy. My friend (the selfish one I write about sometimes) called me at 9:30 this morning. I don’t usually get calls that early and definitely not from her. I answered because I was scared something was wrong. The phone ringing and the thought of something wrong immediately put me into panic mode. However, there was nothing wrong – she just wanted to chat because she was home alone as her parents had gone off somewhere without her and she couldn’t reach another friend on the phone. I don’t know if that set me off into a dark mood or not, but it did irritate me because of all the people in the world, she knows I have strange sleep schedules and I am not much of a morning person. She knows this dammit! She is my oldest friend and knows just about everything about me. She should have known better! The longer I sat there listening to her drone on and on about her life and not even apologizing for waking me, the darker I became. By the time we hung up 45 minutes later, I’d already descended into a deep funk. I tried to work on my writing projects since I was already up, but only managed to get the 366 thing and the small stones done. I resolved that I needed to be back in bed, so I did so. I slept until around 4 pm. I’ve now been up just over 5 hrs and my mood hasn’t lightened much. Somehow, I managed to write my story today (well, I know how… Annette lifted my spirits some), but I still feel odd, like my head is fuzzy. Not quite the same feeling I have with allergy attacks, but similar. As soon as I post this, I am going back to bed.

What I learned today: Did I learn anything at all? I just don’t know. I am trying to figure out what is causing me to feel so dark and gloomy lately because today was just another day in a long string of days where my mood has been darkened. I am wondering if it is my diet. I’ve gone back to eating carbohydrates now and again, probably too often. When I eat them, I rarely eat good fats or protein with them. All I want is the carbs (cookies, candy, potatoes, noodles, beans, bread). I will eat them over anything and then my blood sugar soars and my mood goes into the tank. It’s time I go back on my low carb diet full time and stop this on again off again shit.

What I am most proud of today? I didn’t lose my cool with my friend, even though I was horribly irritated. And until this mood lifts, I will just avoid her. So I’ve unplugged my phone for a few days. Hopefully if I change my diet back, I will be okay again by the beginning of next week.

What did you do today, dear readers? Learn any lessons? Have a reason to be proud? Share your thoughts with me in the comments!