For this week, Calen has asked a question that has forced me to stop and reflect – probably longer than I should have, but it was necessary:
Most of the time, I don’t get lonely. I guess it is because I am an introvert and I enjoy my own company. It probably also helps that I have all of these voices running around in my head and it often feels like a gathering of friends in my mind. As a middle child who learned early on that is was useless to fight for attention, I was forced to deal with myself. I found companionship in books and music. Even now, I am most comfortable when I am by myself.
I will admit that there are times when I wish I had friends closer to me to spend some time with, like when I was in college and we would go out for coffee and listen to slam poets. When I reflect back on those days, loneliness does sometimes invade my mind. Or when a close friend talks about all of the places she goes with her parents and I realize that I stay at home most of the time, loneliness creeps in then too.
The only other time I’ve ever felt true loneliness was during my marriage when my husband and I moved to OK and I suddenly had no family or friends and had very little of either for the 9 years I lived there. The entire time, I only had two friends – the husband didn’t approve of either and made my life miserable while I was friends with them, which resulted in my ending those friendships. I was only really close to two of his family members – his oldest sister and one of his sister-in-laws. I’ve had very little contact with them since moving back home, so I guess I never formed a real friendship with either of them.
I just find loneliness to be a soul-sucking pity party and I don’t do that very well. If I even begin to feel slightly lonely, I read a book or listen to music or I hop online to chat with someone. It’s better than feeling sorry for myself for not putting myself out there more, but as an introvert, it would suck the energy out of me to do that too.
How about you, dear readers? What makes you feel lonely? Share your thoughts with me in comments.