Creative Questions 6 – Courage

I’ve been joining calmkate @ Aroused for her Creative Questions Challenge by answering each of her 6 current questions. This is the last one and she promises something special for April that I cannot wait to see!

CQ6: Write about a moment of courage when you stood up for yourself!

If you’ve ever dealt with depression, then you know how it is a cruel monster that steals away your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. It can also make you a sniveling shell of your former self. Add to that a life with a Narcissist who loves to take advantage of you when you are that shell and you have someone devoid of courage. This was me for the better part of nine years.

Since I was so depressed, I couldn’t handle conflict of any kind. I would agree to things just to keep from arguing over them. My ex husband knew this about me and would make demands on me that were not in my best interest. I couldn’t find the courage to tell him no. I couldn’t even find the courage to live most of the time.

And then two remarkable things happened almost simultaneously: I had uterine cancer and learned Mindfulness. The cancer gave me the courage to live. The Mindfulness gave me the courage to stand up for myself by teaching me to deal with my depression. Suddenly, I wasn’t that sniveling shell anymore. I was not so apt to say yes just to get along anymore. I began saying no. No to sex when I was sick. No to working on a dead-end marriage. And no to sticking around just because he couldn’t live alone with his own self.

The day I told him I was leaving him and moving back to Virginia was my greatest courageous moment. I didn’t pay attention to his pleads. I didn’t go along to get along. And I didn’t let his needs overshadow my own. I made my plans and carried them out. It was the most rewarding moment of my life.

How about you, dear readers? What was your moment of courage? Share your thoughts with me in comments.