The Difficulties of Asking

After reading Shailaja V’s post over at Blog-A-Rhythm about asking for help, I felt compelled to write a post about my own struggles on asking for help. Although Shailaja V’s post is about asking for help with your blog, my post will be more personal in nature.

As a youngster growing up in a house with two other siblings and being the middle child, I heard “no” more often than I care to remember whenever I asked for help. There was never enough money or advice to go around, or at least not the kind of advice *I* needed. My mother lived in her past, my dad worked too hard and too many long hours, my sister was self-absorbed, and my brother was too young to care. I found out way too young that if I needed anything or needed advice, to deal with the situations on my own and in my own way.

Some of my hard earned lessons included asking my dad to buy the neighbor’s car for me. She’d recently passed away and left a great old 70s model car to her grandson and he was only asking $200 for it. I begged dad, he went to mom, she said “no” and I didn’t get the car. Why this hurts so badly is that my sister, a year earlier, received a car when it was time to learn to drive, but was also given that car as a wedding present the next year when it was my time to learn to drive. Years later, my brother was also given a car when it was his time. In fact, over the years, dad helped my brother buy 2 other cars and my sister one other car. They both skipped out on payments and lost the cars as well as affected my dad’s stellar credit rating. He said he would never help any of us with a car again. Well he never helped me with one. I bought my first car with my own money, as well as the following 2 cars.

Another lesson came when I asked my grandfather for money for tuition and books in my first year of college. Grandmother had told him if any of her grandkids needed help with college, he was to help them. This was one of her deathbed wishes. He *did* help the first semester and I was grateful. But the second semester when I asked for money for books, he called my mother ranting and raving about me asking for money for food and rent. In his drunken state, he had confused me with another cousin who *had* asked for those things. I was horrified. He refused me the funds, my mother cursed me out, and I ended up dropping out of school because I didn’t have the money for the books. I went back to college a few years later with grants and loans that  took out on my own. I finished college and although I am still paying off the loans, I did it all on my own.

The only times I *did* receive help was if I was moving from one place to another and my dad and brother helped with the moving a few times. However, the one time I really desperately needed help was when I was living in Oklahoma, my marriage was wreck, I was an emotional and mental wreck and begged my dad to let me come home. I had no income as I could not work because of my mental state, so I was told no because he couldn’t afford to support himself, my brother (who was living with him and not working – and still does live here and not work) and me. I had to stay in my wreck of a marriage for another year until my disability came through. Only then did he say I could come home.

So no, asking for help does not come easy for me, but it has helped me to be an independent woman. I can say that nearly every achievement of my life has been by my own hands. I still harbor some resentment from all of the times I was denied help and others received it, but the older I get, the more I realize that those things don’t matter much anymore. I am still working through the anger, but getting better at it every day.


What is the American Dream?

The American Dream is definitely not dead as so well told here. You just have to want and work toward the life you desire.
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Simple Living Over 50

american-dream-001With all of the changes our country is going through many believe that the American Dream is dead. But what exactly is the American Dream?

I believe it all started just years after the beginning of our own Industrial Revolution when jobs where in high demand and employers starting offering more attractive employment packages to attract and retain quality employee’s. As time went by and as worker unions started forming these things became the norm for the American worker even thought it took the time span of two major world wars to get there. TV portrayed the typical American family as both comfortable living in a home they were able to purchase with just one single income.

It seemed to be the good life for many, but as many stories are told sometimes there are parts that are left out. There is and has always been a segment of our…

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Bullying Through The Eyes of a 12 Year Old

Bullying is a despicable act! I should know, I was horribly bullied in High School. This is a well-written piece on how it is affecting lives in other countries besides the US.
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In the old days, fun and pranks were joy of childhood. Teasing means another thing in our age! Bullying, ranging from arguments to assaults, is now a rapidly spreading menace all over our nation and it lurks behind almost every unfortunate childhood.

To start with, a shocking case happened a while ago in our capital, Delhi. A middle school teenager from Modern School Delhi was exposed to some severe and outrageous verbal assault by his peers. Someone recorded the entire incident on a smart phone. When the story hit the newspapers next day, some words were cut out, being too abusive for print.

After being analysed, everyone was appalled at the language used in the assault. There was an outrage among the parents and the general society along with a lot of chaos after which after which the case was finally sorted out.But was a little too late, for the…

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#joyfuljan – Day Thirty-one


For today’s #joyfuljan, I find joy in completing goals.

Today is the last day of this Joyful January challenge. Except for the four days that I was unable to be online due to a winter mishap with my wifi line, I have posted every single day. I’ve also written small stones and did the JusJoJan each day (except for those 4). It brings me joy to set goals and make plans and be able to complete them.

It wasn’t always the easiest to come up with joyful reasons each day, but I have learned over the course of this month that joy can come in the simplest of things, from a cup of coffee or tea, to chatting with family and friends, and even celebrating happenstance moments in my life.

Thank you to everyone who came here each day and shared these moments with me. You too brought joy to my life!

What are you joyful about today? Let me know in the comments.

Throughout the month of January, I will be celebrating Joyful January with Satya and Kaspa over at Writing Our Way Home