Narcissists and the Shame Agenda

I was married to a Narcissist for 13 years… shaming is one of their most sadistic tools. This is a wonderful article on this topic.

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Sad Woman Shamed

Wouldn’t the red shoes look better with that outfit?”

A seemingly innocent question, no?  But, if the person being asked is in an emotionally abusive relationship, it can trigger a sinking, burning sense of humiliation, which in the case of a relationship with a Narcissist (or other Cluster-B, personality-disordered type), is what the asker wants to achieve in the asking of the question.

If you’ve been following my blog or reading about Narcissism in general, you probably already know the intent of an emotionally abusive partner when they provoke their target(s) to feel shame.

But, where does that shame come from?  How do we develop it?  And how do Narcissists know exactly what to do or say in order to trigger it?  I will attempt to answer these questions, but first let’s examine two types of shame and how they manifest in our lives.

Shame resulting from guilt

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